


Waxing Poetic on Indoor Plumbing by a Former Sickly-Kid

by Xayna



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: AND POO, And wet wipes, BECAUSE STEVE WAS A SICKLY CHILD, For your butt, HE'D NEVER HAD INDOOR PLUMBING, I Don't Even Know, IM SORRY OKAY THIS FIC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFFY AND CUTE AND IT TURNED INTO THIS, Just a monologue of Steve waxing poetic about flushing toilets, No Dialogue, Oh god, STEVE LOVES MODERN BATHROOMS OK, THIS FIC IS ENTIRELY ABOUT TOILET PAPER, THIS WAS A BIG FRIKKIN DEAL, Vomit, WITH MENTIONS OF VOMIT, poop, sorry - Freeform, toilet paper - Freeform, what do i even tag this trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9622253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayna/pseuds/Xayna
Summary: Wherein Steve LOVES modern bathrooms.





	

**Author's Note:**

> IDK IDK IDK This was supposed to be fluffy and cute and it turned into random rambling about modern poo disposal. Read at your own risk.

Steve found himself surprised by the future often. The some things were easier to grasp than others. For example, Steve had no problem believing in the advances in transportation, but having the entirety of human knowledge at your fingertips 24/7 completely dumbfounded him. He had no problem understanding the change in social and political atmosphere; civil rights belonged to everyone, after all. However, he had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that heterosexual sex didn’t always run the chance of ending in pregnancy.

The biggest surprises Steve had come across were the advances in human waste disposal.

Indoor toilets were honestly the best things he’d ever encountered. He didn’t have to deal with chamber pots or anything! If he ever got sick, he could be sick into the toilet, pull a lever, and it was gone. Not that Steve would ever get sick again, but he remembered how he used to be before the serum and couldn’t help but think that his life would have been so much more pleasant with indoor plumbing.

Not only were flushing toilets amazing, but so was toilet paper. They’d had toilet paper in Steve’s day, of course, but it was nothing like the products at the Tower. Tony said he only bought the best, and Steve could believe it.

Wiping with Tony’s toilet paper was like cleaning himself with fluffy clouds. He couldn’t get enough of it.

Certainly, there had been better toilet paper in the 40s than what Steve and his mother could afford, but he’d never used it. The strain of waking up in a new century wasn’t nearly as bad when Steve factored in modern luxuries, like toilet paper and flushable wipes.

Flushable. Wipes.

Sturdy, wet cloth that you could use to clean up real tough messes and then _flush away._ The opulence of Steve’s bathroom breaks was more than he’d ever dreamed of.

Steve spent a lot of time wondering how different his life would have been as a sickly child with the newfangled bathroom products he had at his disposal. Nevermind modern medicine - his quality of life would have greatly improved with only the changes in his bathroom. He spent so much time sick, which sometimes meant painful expulsions from both ends. He may not have rubbed himself raw to get clean with this new era’s toilet paper and wet wipes.

All in all, Steve was greatly pleased with modern advancements. Sometimes, he rolled his eyes at the unnecessary extravagances he witnessed on a daily basis, but some things, like modern bathrooms, made all the rest of it worthwhile.


End file.
